lame

someone left this lame note on my car the other day. i guess i was parked a little close to the white line (the sidekick next me was over it, so i don't feel bad at all). besdides noting that they probably bought a ream of these "parking violation" notices from skymall or another equally worthless institution, i'd like to make a few notes about the ticket itself.

"Bull Headed, Inconsiderate, and feeble..." wait, which is it? i can see bull-headed and iconsiderate going together, but then feeble as well? did i feebly attempt to park? then i probably wasn't bull-headed but just plain bad at turning the wheel. which is it? i'd like to know.

"a safari of pygmies from the African interior." really? you just referenced pygmies, among goats, mules and elephants. i know gross exaggeration is sometimes funny. but not when it's on the windshield of my car.

"Besides I don't like demineering, egotsitical or simpleminded drivers..." i'm nearly positive leaving this note qualifies you for all three.

"I sign off..." is this a radio broadcast? i thought i was getting a parking ticket?

"wishing you an early transmission failure (on the expressway at about 4:30 pm)." if i get a transmission failure on the "expressway" at 4:30, you will most likely be stuck in traffic behind me. those kinds of thing tend to have a wider effect.

"May the Fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits." medieval arab humor. excellent. it makes perfect sense when you examine the quote in context. we went from a team of mules circa to 1800 to a pygmy safari to syria around the time sal ad-din. this guys knows how to throw in the historical clues!

this was actually really fun. the next time your paging through skymall or cheapworthlessshit.com, make sure you pick up a stack of these "parking tickets" and leave them on random cars.

remember, remember...

anarchists around the world are counting on you. light some fireworks tonight in memory of their hero.

no electioneering...yet

i played my part today and voted. i put in a good hour in the line beforehand. but from what i hear, that's not too bad on election day. aside from the nice woman next to me who insisted on repeatedly letting me how she was voting, everything went smoothly.

the real question now is, "will this, finally, be the end [of the election]?...no, really, will it?" i don't even want to watch the results come in. i have this recurring fear that i'll wake up tomorrow morning and we'll still be staring at the same screen with the same poll numbers and the same newscasters will be telling us something about a recount. like groundhog day but unfunny.

let's hope that's not the case. all this election nonsense has really cut into my extra-curricular actives. do you know that i haven't seen an episode of battlestar galactica for six months? no joke. there was a time when i couldn't phrase a sentence without wondering if i could reasonably insert the word "cylon." now, my head's cluttered with "failed economic policies" or "maverick" or, even worse "joe the plumber." what can you do with that garbage?

sadly, i found out about nader's election day press conference too late. seeing him conduct a press conference with one-word responses would be a nice way to end all of this.